A FUNERAL IN PRETORIA

In early August almost two weeks after I was back in Zimbabwe, Jim took a sad call from South Africa. A dear friend of his had died at age 51 and the family asked Jim to do the funeral. Jim agreed.

We couldn't leave right away. Driving across borders requires car clearance papers, and the call came on a weekend and the first two days following were holidays. We did get away on Wednesday afternoon and took the drive in easy stages. To Francistown, Botswana, the first night and on to Polokwane, South Africa, the second day and night, and finally arriving Friday night in Pretoria, one of South Africa's three capital cities.

In the Africa I know today (Zimbabwe and South Africa) death brings family together at the home of the deceased. And they stay until after the burial. With the Black African the women will sit in the house and the men outside drinking beer. Everyone has to be fed and accommodated until it's all over.

With the Coloureds, it's much the same, although accommodation is spread out among the family. (For example, one of the cousin's took us to his home.)

They were awaiting our arrival. Every room seemed filled with people. Most of the men sitting on the back verandah but a few scattered throughout with the women and children. There's a somberness as we greet one another. Many know Jim from years ago, and some had seen him just about two years ago.

Now that we've arrived, they begin a time of singing. A sister from Ireland has asked two young ladies to lead, and their voices are sweet and melodious. After close to an hour of singing, Jim is asked to say a few words. And then food is served. It's just the beginning of two days of what seems like a continual feast. A little box is set on a coffee table where people are invited to contribute Rand dollars to help pay for costs.

The next day we're back at the house and the deceased is on display in one of the front rooms. Many, many come to pay their last respects. It's a solemn, quiet time but occasionally someone collapses, weeping loudly, and is escorted from the room. I'll say it, even though it sounds cynical, but the person most visible and verbal with a show of grief is often the one on the worst terms with the deceased. Those in loving accord keep their grief inside and not to be shared with all and sundry.

The drive to the church for the service was a bit wild, trying to keep up with the car ahead that screeched through too many red lights! We were last in the small church parking lot. It was a nice-looking church with a sign advertising at least four services on a Sunday - in English, Afrikaans, Portuguese, and an African language.

The local pastor was not happy to share the service with Jim and did so reluctantly. He also objected to some of the items on the beautifully printed program but the family spokesperson was adamant about anything perceived to be a favorite of the deceased. And it was a lovely, warm farewell to a dear man - husband, father, grandfather and friend. Very personal with many people taking part.

A tea followed in the church hall, and any remaining somberness was broken as people caught up on one another's lives. Lots of laughter and a buz of chatter while both sweets and savories were devoured.

And that wasn't the end of eating. When we returned to the house a big lunch was served under a canopy at the back. Time to sit and talk and remember. Also to see what a cross section of people had been touched by the life of this one man.

The body was cremated on Tuesday and the ashes collected on Wednesday. In a little over a month a few will drive to Bulawayo in Zimbabwe to bury the ashes as requested by the deceased. Zimbabwe was his home, he had said to his son. Not South Africa.

Thank goodness for funerals and weddings. Time and circumstances separate us from people we were once close to, and if it weren't for these two events we might never see one another again. We say we'll keep in touch, see one another more often, and our intent is true, but it might take another funeral or wedding to make it happen!